Videogame Review: RAGE – id – XBox 360 (Played on X1X)

Played this because I’ve had it sitting around unopened for years now and Marouda bought me RAGE 2 recently, so I thought I’d knock this thing out finally.

But is it fun? Not really. (TL:DR: Just read the red text!)

It’s a great representation of a brown, generic shooter from the 2010 period. Well, I say “great”, but it’s far from a great game.
“Open world” driving in a small, small open world with nothing to do. And no map.
Linear, rather boring corridor “dungeons”.
Side quests that are just more of the same dungeons (often running the same place in a different direction) or essentially “race here, race there”.
Pointless economy.
Poor loading of their “megatextures”. Like, really slow, shitty pop-in. Like Fallout 76 bad.
Terrible dialogue from questgivers and NPCs. SO bad. “Only you can save humanity! Godspeed, soldier!” WTAF?

Graphics feels like a mix of discount Borderlands without the fun or humour and Fallout without a Bethesda level of polish or detail. Yes, Bethesda.
id software expert quality feel shooting mechanics awesome at least? Nope.
Boring weapons. BFG given to you in the final mission. I saved it for when I got to something big, but after fighting several waves of mutants with a shotgun…
….wait, did I just finish the game? (what I actually just said to Marouda, sitting nearby.)

I have proved my lack of judgement by making myself play through the entire thing. Will it get better? How much longer to go? Sunk cost fallacy.
I’d give the copy of the game away, but I’m afraid it will make me a bad person.

This game has no reason to exist. Thoroughly mediocre.


(No screenshots. Fuck this waste of my time!)

Review: Ryse: Son of Rome – Crytek – XBox One (2013)

Over my time off during the Christmas/New Year’s break, as well as doing a lot pf painting, I also traditionally try to play through a videogame that I’ve been meaning to get to for awhile. On Black Friday, I purchased an XBox One X and a PS4 Pro, followed by a 4k TV on the following day, but with life events snowballing in the subsequent timeframe I didn’t set them up until a couple of days before Christmas.

I was thinking about finally playing Horizon: Zero Dawn since I was holding off on it until I got the Pro, or Assassins Creed Origins on the X. So what have I been playing?

Ryse: Son of Rome.


Well, it was a game I picked up when Marouda and I first got our (regular) XB1s so we could play the co-op. There wasn’t a huge library at the time, and it seemed intriguing. Because Gladiatorial fights are awesome. In fiction, anyway. Not quite so awesome for the actual participants. (I should probably get around to watching that Spartacus TV series, I guess.)

In many ways, the game is absolutely beautiful. I mean, it’s clearly not running at 1080p (900p!), but the design and environment is a lovingly designed facsimile of ancient Rome. Unfortunately, the framerate is horrible – so bad that I needed to stop playing every few minutes because it just runs terribly. Unless it runs worse on the XB1X? That’s possible, I guess, though I was hoping for a performance boost, if anything. Unfortunately, during fast movement, it’s janky as fuck. I haven’t played a lot of fast action games on this setup yet where the environment moves quickly, but I have played a few (on PS4P) and they don’t suffer in the same way, and the TV is a 100hz refresh rate model with a game mode, so I doubt the problem is there.

I mean, despite the low resolution and janky framerate, I still constanly wanted to stop and admire the scenery. Except it was janky, and therefore unpleasant to do, and the game basically wants you to RUN your way through the beautiful “corridor” path.

Combat was surprisingly decent. It’s not especially nuanced, but I found it enjoyable enough in it’s simplicity. Block being mapped to A (X on PS) threw me off for awhile since the combat feels inspired by Arkham, so I kept wanting to hit Y (Triangle on PS) to block, which resulted in me doing a lot of shield blows and getting whacked a lot. I’ve read that on higher difficulty levels that it becomes more challenging as enemies become more difficult, but that’s different to more nuanced. It’s not a deep combat system is what I’m saying.

The “Executions” that come up frequently provide a method of refilling your health bar, or giving you some bonus exp, or refilling your focus bar (I also continued to struggle with the similarities and differences from the Batman/Mordor buttons, probably due to some muscle memory). The executions continue to go off even when you choose the wrong colour from the very simple “Simon Says” prompts, and the canned executions start to be a bit tedious after you feel like you’ve seen the few on offer 10,482 times. Still, the combat system remains simple fun for the most part.

What is not fun is anything outside of the core swordplay. Throwing pilum is terribly clunky and there are segments of the game where it REALLY WANTS you to throw pilum. Since I didn’t find that fun and wanted to stab the barbarians instead, I found myself at odds with the game on a couple of occasions where it punished me for that choice. There are also some points where the game wants you to throw pilum while dodging arrows. Also not fun. At all. A good example where a design document overrides good execution. On that same note, using Scorpion ballistae provide the game’s turret sections – something that I actually often do find fun in games despite their formulaic nature. Not here, though. Loose controls and poor visual feedback make them once again, something to endure until you can get to the next stabby sequence. Oh, and there’s Kinect-voice sequences scattered throughout the game, where you can either bark out orders to your Kinect to have archers fire or whatever, or hold the LB button for a *really* long time. I do actually have a Kinect, which I got for Marouda in one of our initial machines because Just Dance, but it hasn’t been used in a couple of years now probably, and the XB1X doesn’t even support the thing without a special adapter. Which I do have here, but I’m hardly going to connect the thing up just for shouting at the odd sequence in this game.

The story is… well, it’s a story at least. It’s not the best videogame story I’ve played through, but it’s far from the worst. I mean, it’s *there*. It’s an incredibly predictable revenge story, presumably written for twelve-year-olds who can’t understand any other motivation besides revenge, “duty” and “honour”. As a snarky aside, I had no idea it was so easy to swim while wearing a Lorica Segmentata, but then, I’ve never tried it myself, so what do I know? I don’t think it’s too spoilerific for a 2013 game to mention that the game attempts to add in a “Normandy Beach Landing” sequence, and while it again looks good, the devs clearly chose cinematic over gameplay. But as can be expected from “2013 videogame”, the treatment of history is a right mess. To be fair it’s no worse than, say, Braveheart, though I was disappointed by the game’s initial milquetoast treatment of Bodicia followed by her ridiculously over-the-top later depiction. I’m surprised that they didn’t throw Hannibal into the mix as well, although, they kinda did… On a brighter note, the cinematics are very well done indeed, as are the facial models and animation. No Mass Effect Andromeda “my face is tired” mannequins here at least!

Now this might sound rather nit-picky, and perhaps it is, but I really would have liked the camera to be a little further back from your character as you play through the campaign. This is – again – because the environments are so nicely put together and executed, but your character (well-rendered as he is) blocks much of the scenery as you move through the game, and with the camera so low, it further amplifies this. I guess it *does* work to reduce the draw distance required to render. While it’s true that the player model’s size looks awesome in stills, it does restrict your view of these beautifully realised environments. Really though, I’d love to see a sequel or remake of this game using today’s technical know-how (yeah, I know it’s only a 2013 release, but in the past 4 years, devs have *really* learned to optimise this generation’s machines compared to launch titles!) Back to the remake point – it just seems a waste that all of these beautiful art assets were essentially wasted on this game, which does have it’s moments of fun, but was by no stretch of the imagination a commercial success.

Naturally, the game has a whole bunch of pick-up collectables of different types scattered around the stages. They don’t really do anything of note or interest as far as I can see, but after I figured out that they’re there after a little while I did attempt to collect any that I saw. One annoying thing about this is that there are quite a few places in the game where the path forks, and it’s not immediately obvious which one has the collectable in it and which one continues the story. These paths are often followed by, say kicking in a gate or vaulting a fallen tree or pillar. That’s fine, but when it then becomes obvious that the path you chose was the “story path” while the collectable was the *other* way, the game often then does not allow you to backtrack to get the pickup. I know it’s a memory/area loading limitation on one hand, but it’s poor level design on the other.

Oh, and there’s also multiplayer. Most types are co-op gladiatorial battles, though you can also go in solo. I think that might have been one of the draws of this game initially – the idea of playing co-op gladiators with Marouda. I doubt that the combat system would be for her, though – we played it a couple of times back when we first got the game, but, well, clearly it never stuck. There’s a solo mode, but frankly, I don’t have the time nor inclination to grind through it. It was also a lovely surprise to see that multiplayer features loot boxes for gear, bought with “gold”, a currency that can be earned in-game, albeit slowly – or purchased for real monies though the XBox store. Legislation can’t come fast enough.

To sum up. I actually kind of enjoyed Ryse – in spite of itself. The fact that it’s quite a short game helped it not to outstay it’s welcome, since the simple, repetitive melee combat isn’t especially great, and the non-melee aspects of gameplay suck hard. The art direction and graphic quality (when the background wasn’t moving much) were outstanding, despite the relatively low resolution and janky framerate, and also despite a trite and predictable story, the cinematics actually managed to add more then take away from the experience. Again, this was helped by the fact that it’s quite a short game, and the fact that I’m a fan of the Ancient Roman theme (despite the game’s mangling of actual historical events). I played it on Easy, and have no regrets about having done so. I experienced all I wanted to from the game, and so I’m happy enough – having played it’s short campaign in short sessions over about four days. I wouldn’t advise purchasing it, unless it was on deep, deep discount, but I believe it was an XBLG freebie some time ago (I didn’t need my disc to play!) so if it’s sitting in your library, it might be worth the few hours’ investment to experience.

Rating: 5/10 – Thoroughly Mediocre! (Yet, kinda worth playing)

Now. Do I play Horizon, or AC Origins, or finish something half-done like Wolfenstein: The New Order – or repeat the mediocre-but-fast game experience by playing through The Order: 1886?


Review: Condemned: Criminal Origins – Monolith – XBox 360 (2005)

As my free time over summer starts to come to an end this year, I’ve played through another game.

So I woke up in a bad mood last Friday morning, and decided that a good, short game was what I needed to do with my time. Perusing a couple of google searches for “good, short 360 games” to see what came up that I also had, Condemned (and its sequel) seemed to make many of those lists, which reminded me that I had this game, tucked away in a shelf. Choice made, then!

Condemned: Criminal Origins, is a game that I had bought shortly after purchasing my XBox 360 back in 2007(?) It had garnered good reviews, but as so often happens with these things – both miniatures and videogames – it’s often easier to buy something with the best of intentions to get around to using them – and then taking years (or worse) to actually do so.

I dimly remember buying the game, one of the games I purchased in my initial frenzy of enthusiasm when I got my 360 back in the day. Even back then it was already in the XBox 360 “Classics” selection. While this meant that the game had sold well, over whatever the minimum was at the time, more importantly the game had garnered positive reviews across the board. At the time I’d done that thing where you put the game on, look at it for 45 seconds/play for 3 minutes and think “Yeah, this looks cool. I’ll get back to it soon!” So now – a decade on from release and 8 years from buying it – I’ve finally actually played it! Does this count as a retro-review?

Condemned was developed by Monolith Productions, who were also the people behind titles I’d enjoyed such as No One Lives Forever (NOLF), NOLF 2, Alien vs Predator 2, Contract J.A.C.K. (essentially NOLF3), F.E.A.R., F.E.A.R. 2 and much more recently – Shadow of Mordor. That’s a pretty good selection of hits over a good selection of years. So far so good!

So how does it look in 2016?

The game is dark and grainy – appropriate for a survival-horror kind of game. The graphics aren’t beautiful 1080p with ultra-detailed models, but I’m not a complete graphics whore, and the game’s setting still looks good enough to me and works well enough to be fit for purpose. Enemies and your weapons are a fair bit less attractive, looking a bit blocky at best. Your character on the other hand, along with those in cutscenes looks pretty bad. I can’t fairly recall what FPS graphics looked like back 10 years ago without rose coloured glasses, but to be blunt, the character and many of the weapon models look like arse today.

Audio fares better. A nice touch are your own heavy footsteps – there are any times you’re not sure if a sound was you, or someone else, stalking you. The audio design overall isn’t bad and is one of the stronger points of the game, even today. The exception to which is the voice acting.

I dub thee: Arseface.

I should mention the story: – only the slightest of spoilers here – You’re a federal agent. Framed for a murder you didn’t commit, you set out on a quest to prove your innocence by wandering through an endless series of dark tunnels, rooms and abandoned buildings, murdering everyone in your path.

Occasionally with firearms, but typically with improvised clubs, shovels, axes and sledgehammers. Does all that sound like a fair enough way to prove your innocence from murder?

Anyhow, there’s some serial killer stuff and the story is pretty bad, even for a video game. I’m usually happy enough to gloss over video game stories if the gameplay is good, and oftentimes for games, less is more. This game attempts to have depth and layers in the story, and while it’s not quite the nonsensical mess as Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance was, it’s still pretty bad. The plot and script is like a police/serial killer story – as written by a teenager whose only knowledge of police procedure, serial killers or the way that human people actually interact with one another has come from bad TV shows in those genres.

I state this because it’s terribly written and voice acted. There’s a “twist” at the end, but I’d liken its surprise and impact to looking at the bus timetable, then walking around the corner at the allotted time and watching the bus slowly meander its way down the street towards your bus stop.

Mechanically, I found early on that a few things we take for granted in modern times are a fair bit different in Condemned. There’s no mini-map. Indeed, there is no map of any kind. Nor is there any “guide” through the levels other than the fairly linear nature of the levels. I’m not horrified at the loss of the modern stalwart “Follow”, but when the environment starts to look very much the same where ever you wander in a level…

The game’s pacing is extremely slow as well. I found the controls to be unresponsive and sluggish, right down to it feeling like I needed to press down twice as hard as in other games on the stick to sprint – which is also limited by a stamina bar.

Amazingly (for a videogame), your flashlight seems to (mostly) work like an actual flashlight and the batteries don’t die after a few seconds. Which is handy, since – as mentioned – for the entirety of the game you’re navigating an endless series of (linear) dark hallways and rooms. Credit where credit is due there, though whether you have the flashlight on or off doesn’t seem to make any actual difference in terms of conflict, as enemies spring into existence and are aware of you as soon as you come near, so stealth doesn’t seem to be a thing at all in this game.

You can’t carry two weapons, even when it makes sense – such as a holstered firearm and a melee weapon in hand. Oh, you also have a taser, which gets upgraded partway through the game into pretty much a man-killer. Maybe that’s considered your offhander and therefore the reason you’re unable to carry a pistol in your empty cop-holster?

A man and his piece of conduit.

Similarly, despite the bag that you apparently carry your gear in or you bulky jacket, you can’t carry health packs at all. But that’s okay, since you can use them right off the wall. Yes, 2005-era design, so there’s no regenerating health or any of that guff. Just lots of medical cabinets conveniently located in all manner of decrepit and long-abandoned locales. Seems like a good choice to gulp down some of whatever you find in a pill bottle in places like that, amirite?

The building you start in seems to be an odd combination of old and condemned while also being a construction site. But abandoned and filled with psychotic junkies armed with 2x4s with nails in them, or bits of conduit or pipe. You lose your service pistol pretty early on, though – after having shot a guy or two to death.

Naturally, after killing a man and then having your gun stolen you do what any (videogame) cop would do. Instead of pulling out, calling for backup, or for a coroner’s meat wagon you just keep on going further in, only now armed with a makeshift club you picked up off the floor, gleefully beating perps to death as you go. Even the other cops with you at the time merely throw you a Fire Axe and tell you to pretty much keep going. Because videogame cop logic.

The game is very melee heavy, with firearms making only sporadic appearances throughout the game. As you’d expect, they’re more often seen in the latter stages, but even then still don’t make up the majority of enemies or encounters. There’s a simple block and counterstrike mechanism in place for melee combat, but it seems to be a combination of unresponsively slow while requiring pretty exact timing to effectively parry.

You have choices of various improvised melee weapons that you can rip off walls (conduit, pipe, rebar), furniture (2x4s) and so forth with sightly different stats: damage, speed, block and reach. Looking at a different weapon to the one in your hand will display either + or – with regard to each of the stats – but without numerical values. This lets you make your choices at a glance but in doing so without any way to really know the depth of the various trade-offs. There are also a few tools like the aforementioned fire axe that can be used as melee weapons as well as to open specific doors. Apparently using makeshift weapons scavenged from the nearest wall was supposed to feel visceral. It just feels like nothing.

In terms of movement through the game, there’s no duck, no jump and no climb outside of when the game very specifically tells you that you can climb through a window or up a ladder or jump down a hole. By pressing A. Now. I bumped over a chair and couldn’t get out of a room for 30 seconds. That old videogame trope of impassable chest-high walls is used to the extent of impassable knee-high junk on the floor here.

Most of the game pretty much looks like this.

The game has collectables because of course it does. At the end of the first level, I was informed by the stats page that I’d found/collected 1 of 6 dead birds, and 0 of 3 “metal pieces”. These appear to have no purpose whatsoever aside from achievement hunting and unlocking secret out-of-game dossiers that neither you nor I care about. And frankly – walking around, barely able to see while searching for them (or even doing so with the aid of a walkthrough) seems like a complete waste of time. A few points of gamerscore and a few pretty pointless X-Box achievements that are neither fun to get nor affect gameplay in the slightest really aren’t a worthwhile use of my (or presumably, your) time.

Even more tedious – when I happened to restart the second level to go back and check out an areas I’d missed, I found that the birds you collect in one “playthrough” don’t stay collected – as they often do in other games. So you’ve got to grab all of these collectables in a discrete run of each level. Nice.

Also – head bob. I know this game is a decade old now, but someone really needs to tell the makers of FPS games that HUMAN EYES DON’T WORK THAT WAY GUYS. Seriously. Go walk to the kitchen and tell me if your vision is smooth or bounces around like a yo-yo. We have millions of years of evolution that have taken care of that. You know what does bounce around and give a jerky sense to your vision? Cameras. So unless we’re controlling drone-style robots by remote control or playing Blair Witch: The Game, there’s no need for goddamn head bob in games. This includes you too, Gears of War. At the very least give us the option to turn it off.

Every so often there’s a navigation “puzzle” in the game. This usually equates to you needing to wander around a series of areas where everything looks the same with your flashlight until you find the Fire Axe/Sledgehammer/Crowbar/Shovel (yes, really – shovel) so that you can open a specific door. They each have their own specific doors that they can open, and don’t work on different door types – just like real life, a fire axe or a crowbar is useless when confronted by a padlock because you need a fucking sledgehammer for that shit.

Similarly, sledgehammers are only useful for padlocks and can’t smash their way through doors or wooden barriers. Because that’s what fire axes (and only fire axes) do. Ahem. Anyway, once you’ve found the CORRECT door-opening implement, you then wander around with your torch until you find the macguffin (switch, valve, etc) then you’re done and can move on – which may or may not involve more backtracking. This is invariably about as interesting, fun and exciting as I’ve made it sound here.

So yes, these different types of weapon are essentially a form of “you need the BLUE key” game design, grandfathered in from Quake with a light coat of paint on it.

Any sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic.

There’s some “investigation” throughout the game. This investigation is performed when the game pretty much tells you “INVESTIGATE NOW” and you press a button for the appropriate one of your investigative tools to come out. You’d need a decent sized bag to lug these things around, actually. I’d usually let that go as videogames tend to all give their characters a bag of holding, but it feels a little more odd here in a game that pretty much has you running around with nothing but a flashlight and a 2×4 or piece of electrical conduit as a makeshift weapon for much of the game. So yes, it’s as interesting and “intuitive” as finding the correct “key” for the correct door type.

For those rare-ish times when you do manage to acquire a firearm, you can check the remaining number of rounds in the magazine, but once they’re empty they merely become sub-par makeshift weapons that quickly break. There’s no ammo or reloading in this game. At one point this led to the amusing(?) situation where I had 3 rounds left in my .45, and killed an enemy armed with an identical .45. His pistol also had 3 rounds left, but the game did not allow me in any way to combine those 6 rounds into the one weapon, so I had to leave one on the floor with bullets in it – because one weapon, no carrying. Needless to say – “horror” game or not – this felt very artificial.

Naturally, this led to that classic immersive videogame trope of backtracking for a 3-minute round trip to pick up the gun that was left on the floor once I’d emptied the one I was carrying.

Combat in general can be summed up in one word: Bad. If you’d like some more words, take: Sluggish, Unresponsive, Slow, Unsatisfying, Unfun.

That last one is a pretty good descriptor of the whole game, actually. Unlike something as frustrating and actively annoying as Metal Gear: Revengeance, this game is merely tedious and boring – so I was actually able to finish it. I’m not sure which is worse actually, a bad game that is so bad that you put it down after an hour or so or one that’s bad but not so bad that you can’t make yourself finish it.

You might ask why, if the game is so tedious and boring, did I continue to play it?  A fair question. The answer is a combination of my own bloody-mindedness and the fact that it’s listed as a short game – average of 7-10 hours, so doable in a couple of days of play at my own speed. In practice, I played through 2 levels in one day, and the other 7 in a rather bloody-minded waste of a day split over several sessions of 2-3 levels each time.

Is this what a bloody mind looks like?

While at first the game feels like you’re on a murder-rampage through the oddly-agressive homeless of “Metro City” (yes, really), after awhile it starts to feel more like a zombie game, right down to having several “types” of “zombie” with different attack patterns, etc. Rarely, you’ll come across a bunch of zombies that fight one another. If you hang back in these encounters, you can simply mop up the survivor(s) instead of wade in and take a bunch of damage for no real reason.

Mostly you chase “the suspect” deeper and deeper down into the bowels of the city’s subway system and through a collection of discrete buildings that each level is composed of. Occasionally you’ll stop to “gather evidence” as noted earlier – which you transmit to Rosa, a friendly researcher back at base via your simply adorable 2005-era mobile telephone who is then able to look up DNA results, check databases and create full 3-D models from photos of shoeprints – all in seconds. Remember, this is before modern smartphones, so it’s got buttons and a little screen on top, yet it seems somehow more capable than the latest of 2016’s phones and has no problem whatsoever with a signal about a kilometer underground under a maze of concrete, brickwork and heavy industrial machinery.

Source: Cracked

There’s a complete and utter dearth of interesting weapons in the game – and while fans of the game might argue that it’s somehow realistic, or that the game’s strength is in it’s story or investigation, the fact is that the majority of gameplay is walking in dark rooms with a flashlight, and the next most common part of gameplay is beating the homeless/criminals/zombies to death with clubs and axes.

There’s far more of that than story or investigation.

This game was an interesting experience in one way. I started out impressed and enjoying myself, and you could clearly see the shared DNA between this game and F.E.A.R. in the environments and atmosphere, but the horrible, sluggish controls, tedious gameplay and godawful story led me to go from impressed, to bemused, to bored, to really very unimpressed. As I’ve noted, the game got overall excellent reviews for gameplay and even story back when it was released. I guess time has simply moved on and unlike a bottle of fine wine, this game hasn’t aged well, and in the decade since release has become corked instead.

Verdict: Avoid.


Review: Max Payne 3 – Rockstar Vancouver – XBox 360 (2012)

Another day, Another Videogame.

I first played Max Payne in 2001. Marouda and I were staying in town for the weekend, and during a bit of a browse at a now-long-closed PC game store I picked up Max Payne on impulse because it looked pretty cool on the back. I didn’t buy a whole lot of software back then – if you know what I mean – but I did try to when I could afford it. I bought Max Payne 2 pretty much as soon as it was released. I enjoyed both games immensely.

Max’s traditional look – as he appears in the flashback levels…

Up until this most recent PC (ok, it’s 5 years old now), I’d “christen” my new computers by first playing through Max Payne and then Max Payne 2 on them. Windows 7/widescreen/Steam issues killed that when I got this one, but point remains that Max and the sequel have been probably my most replayed games. I never bothered with New York Minute or any of that stuff, but it was always fun to play through them again with the graphical settings turned up to max, as I always found them to be detailed and good looking games for their time.

So why has it taken me so long to get to part 3? A combination of leaning towards dumping large amounts of time into on-running, MMO or MMO-lite-type games, whether it’s Rock Band or WoW or Titanfall or LotRO or WoT or Destiny – and an insane tendency to “save” lots of my “better” games for “later”. I would normally have purchased and played this on PC, but all of that Rockstar Social Club additional-DRM bullshit was off-putting – so in the end I purchased Max Payne 3 when it hit discount status on the console instead. Anyway, this summer I finally put Max into my list of prospective games to play, and after a few games that I didn’t find amazing, one that was fuckawful and one that was merely decent, it was time to give myself the chance to play something I knew that I’d enjoy. Right?

Now when I recently played Metal Gear: Revengeance, I hated the constant interruption of gameplay for the endless cutscenes. I found them to be badly written, badly acted, and worst of all, incredibly jarring. After all, when I play a videogame, I’m doing so because I want to play the thing – not watch it.

All I knew about Max Payne 3 was that the developers were no longer Remedy, who had gone on to make horror-flashlight simulator Alan Wake for Microsoft, and that Max’s third outing was now a Rockstar Vancouver project. Sam Lake hadn’t been used as Max’ likeness since the first one anyway, and we all know Rockstar’s pedigree- though that mostly comes from Rockstar North (DMA Design! – GTA) and to a lesser extent, Rockstar San Diego (Red Dead) – all separate dev houses under the R* publisher banner.

The only other thing I was aware of was that some people disliked the radically different look that Max had been given. Bald, paunchy, beared, sunglasses. None of that was the Max that we’d all played. I was willing to put all of that aside and give the game a chance, but (spoiler alert) I avoid reading much about games I own in my (digital) pile of shame, so I wasn’t aware of anything else about it.

…a transitional shot from another level…

Imagine my surprise when I played, and found that instead of the “animated graphic novel” to introduce chapters, the game had not only cutscenes to intro each section, but constant expository and plot-driven cutscenes throughout. Constantly. Interrupting gameplay.

The biggest surprise then, is the fact that I found myself really enjoying the story and …well, the experience. The gameplay is pretty much standard Max Payne, but due to the consolised controls, I found it a bit difficult to play. I’m fine with FPS and even third person games like Saints Row and GTA5 with a controller, but for some reason I found I just sucked at Max Payne. So restarting on Easy I found it to still be awkward, but playable enough that I played for a solid couple of hours, making it to the start of Chapter 5 (of 14) before taking a break from my first session when I noticed that it was almost 3pm and I really should do something else for awhile.

As you might have guessed, I have an affection for Max in terms of having really enjoyed the previous games, and I found the story and characterisation – while filled with tropes – to be entertaining and well-written enough to hold my interest solidly. It’s certainly better written and acted than any number of action movies that seem to do decent box office without the nonsensical, illogical crazytown of that bloody Metal Gear game that gave me the shits last week.

The gameplay, as stated, is pretty much standard Max Payne. Bullet-time (awkwardly placed for me as a right-stick click), shootdodge, and basic cover shooter mechanics – all wrapped up with a version of the slow-mo killshot that Sniper Elite took to it bloody and gruesome conclusion, taking it to its bosom as the Sniper Elite raison d’être. I have to say that Max’s game is also pretty gruesome in terms of headshot decals, with a bit of disturbing imagery here and there. It comes across as a fairly mature title, rather than gratuitous – but then I guess the whole thing is pretty gratuitous.

If you want to talk immersion breaking or annoying, there’s an urgency to the game – both from Max’s narration (as the game is narrated/told in a series of flashbacks as with previous entries) combined with your mate urging you to hurry up. The immersion-breaking part is that there are a large number of “golden guns” broken into three parts which are scattered around the levels. So the game actively encourages you to search out and magpie these parts (that upgrade your weapons) while wanting it both ways and telling you to hurry up. When you do certain things such as kill the last guy or walk near the doorway that leads to the next section, it often triggers a cutscene – which hides the load for the next section of level but also can lock you out of the opportunity to search out or even pick up a piece of gun.

…and a significantly different look later in the game.

This is due to the common design element of games of the PS360 era – due to the memory that it takes to hold the whole level, well, in memory – so you have a whole lot of doors that automagically close and lock behind you. Sometimes it’s explained story-wise, or it’s the usual long drop down – but mostly the doors just close behind you.

My solution to this was to play through the 4 completed chapters with a “find ‘em” walkthrough the following day. The next day I played through 2 more chapters immediately following up by doing the search-a-thon. So having just finished the game today – a good week after I started it, I’ve actually played through twice in this last week or so with a couple of days not playing any videogames. The game didn’t feel short or overlong. I was ready for it to finish just a little earlier than it did, which is pretty good, in my opinion.

About the most unbelievable part of the story which involves Max gunning down hundreds of mooks and jumping forward as things explode behind him in the Action Movie Hero style is that neither he nor his sometime partner have mobile phones. Actually, it’s kinda believable. For Max. In the flashback scenes. But not in the later scenes where he’s working private security.

Several of the missions are told in flashback form, so you get to play as Max through his visual evolution from the look that we’re familiar with from Max Payne 1 and 2 to the bald, bearded look. It’s actually quite well done.

There are some annoying niggles, though – through the magic of cutscenes, Max will occasionally run from a great piece of cover to an awful, exposed bit of cover, before giving you control (and you may then want to run right back where you came from – getting hit in the process!) It took me until the final level to work out how to turn off things like flashlights and laser sights on weapons. Actually, the flashlights are fine, but the laser sights are awful and seem to take away all my accuracy, so that’s what prompted me to see if you could turn the damn things off.

Yes, there are sniper sequences.

One of the missions has you tasked with a form of escort quest. Now the woman you’re escorting through it can’t get killed through the usual AI stupidity, and is basically out of your way 100% of the time. However, the devs apparently couldn’t resist making her hysterical half of the time and fucking annoying all of the time. Seriously, I was talking to my television saying things like “Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch.” (and far worse) for most of the level. I mean, I get what they were trying to do, and hysterical is probably a quite natural thing for someone in that situation – and not everyone can be, say Mona Sax – but all it did was annoy me, because she basically won’t shut the fuck up and everything she says is hysterical and annoying. Or to put it another way – I’ve always enjoyed the Max Payne games, I regret not playing this one much earlier since it’s been sitting in my pile of shame for years, but I’ve enjoyed the hell out of it, yet I can only ever see myself skipping this particular level in any future playthroughs.

There’s a little bit in the ending that also rubbed me the wrong way, especially after all that Max (and you) had been through – and why. I felt it was both out of character and disappointing.

Throughout the game to mix things up there are a few sniper sequences. Also a couple of on-rails shooting sequences (that thankfully give you unlimited ammo). Almost all levels have a cinematic bullet-time sequence to kill some guys or save someone by, erm, killing some guys – and I have to say that all of these (except for two) managed to work for me – just a couple of the on-rails shooter sequences fell down for me, while the others were fine.

Graphically, I found the game to be very good in the same way that I found the previous entries very appealing – not that the graphics are photorealistic, but the levels are very, very detailed with lots of small minutia – virtual set dressing in what is clearly a very carefully handcrafted world. That sort of thing always really appeals to me – in the same way that it does in miniatures painting or scenery building. Having said that – I found the graphics to be pretty bloody good anyway, which is a good thing considering how much the game relies on its in-game assets for the numerous cutscenes. In fact – some googling seems to indicate that the game features 3 hours and 15 minutes of cutscenes. Good thing that the script, though cheesy in points and trope-ridden is well done, and having James McCaffrey reprise his role (instead of just getting Troy Baker or Nolan North to do the character) really makes all the difference.

The shooting mechanics… well, having played on the 360, and not being a l33t console shooter player by any means, I played on easy as I mentioned before with the targeting on hard lock (think quickscope FTW). If I were playing on PC I’d have probably played on Normal – but either way we’re not talking about amazing shooting mechanics by any means – even with bullet-time added in. I mostly hid behind cover popping out to, well, pop them – often using bullet-time to line-up headshots rather than shootdodge my way through the combats.

How did I end up enjoying something with so damn many cinematics?

The game is very linear – just as others in the series (and most shooters) are. There are some much larger areas scattered around, but there’s no getting around the linearity of the game – it is what it is. There are a few callbacks to previous entries in the series in a few of the levels – a train station, an abandoned skeleton of a high-rise building – they’re not presented with a nod and a wink, though – and it’s the better for it. There’s no “baby nightmare” stages here, either. Probably worth mentioning.

I didn’t even bother trying the multiplayer, because fuck bothering with tacked-on, bullet-point multiplayer designed to sell DLC maps and Season Passes. Think anyone is playing this over CoD or Battlefield or CS or TF2? Especially now, almost four years on? Yeah, exactly.

So what we have here is a game with a 12-hour campaign where three of those hours are cutscenes. The shooting is decent, but not much more than average. On paper, this is a game that I should have completely hated, yet it’s one that I really enjoyed. More than any campaign I’ve played for quite some time in fact. The rotten underbelly of São Paulo more than works as a substitute for the rotten underbelly of New York, and the flashback-narrative nature of the game means we get a couple of levels set in New York and other locales to boot.

Clearly the reasons are because I like the character and I enjoyed the story – which ultimately fits into the “Action Hero” category with a touch of noir added in. For a videogame, this is an exceptionally well-written story, and to be frank, the storyline here is better than a lot of actual action movies’ plot. I never thought I’d write those words, as usually the very best videogame plots (think Mafia II) are a pale shadow of their inspiration. Max instead aims for a much lower-quality genre, and more than meets the mark. Will I now have to brave the Max Payne film, featuring Marky Mark?

A future worth risking?

So would I recommend Max Payne 3 to the curious? Do you need to be familiar with 1 or 2 to play and enjoy the story? Well, the game does a good enough job of introducing and explaining Max as he is “today” to not need to play the previous entries. With the caveats/warnings about the number of cutscenes and shooting quality, I say…


Review: Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance – Kojima Productions/Platinum Games – XBox 360 (2013)

Let me preface this micro-review with the information that the only Metal Gear game I’ve finished to date was the first MGS on PS2 (or was it PS1?). While I think Konami’s recent treatment of Kojima is terrible, I don’t hold him in reverence or even care for him as a writer, as everything I’ve read within and about MGS games is a badly-written clusterfuck that compares to terrible fanwank fiction combined with the overblown contrived and over-complex ridiculousness of the Star Wars EU or Marvel Comics of today. Disagree? Just go through the terribad background to Ground Zeroes and that should be more than enough. Also, I already know that Revengeance isn’t a word.

Still, I’m not too fussed about terrible videogame storylines if the gameplay is good enough, and this thing got decent reviews – so I decided to jump in, buoyed by the fact that it’s supposed to be quite short. I enjoy short games as a nice counterpoint to the huge open-world games and MMO-ish games that I like to spend much of my time in.

Raiden. How could you *not* like someone who looks like this?

So anyway. You play as Raiden – a character that some people apparently dislike quite a bit but I started – and ended – with complete indifference to – through a title which may as well be called “Cutscenes: the interrupting exposition game.” I say this because after every couple of minutes (or less) of frantic, spastic, gameplay, the game takes control off you for seemingly just as long or longer so it can play nicely animated but overlong, terribly written cutscenes at you, or even worse, play terribly written exposition and instructions at you via the ingame codec (essentially the radio where you get told what to do). I know that the codec and such has been a longtime part of MGS games, but ouch, this is pretty fucking painful. Seriosuly, I can’t emphasise just how bad the writing is. I’m sure lots of other games are just as bad, but this game takes great delight in shoving it’s terrible story down your throat at every opportunity – which means constantly. There’s also some heavy-handed political allegory, and there’s even a bit where the game attempts to point out the humanity of the guys you’ve been merrily slaughtering to this point, which in turn makes Raiden sad.

One particularly ridiculous example: I ended one boss battle by covering the boss in liquid nitrogen, freezing them, and then bisecting them from the top of their head to their crotch. (Because the game is so cut-scene-y, it’s less cool than it sounds – the whole thing felt pre-planned rather than something cool that I did). Anyway, while their dismembered, frozen-solid corpse laid on the ground in a number of pieces, they still somehow managed to have a longish, tedious “deathbed conversation” with their boss while I sat there thinking What the Absolute Fuck?

Gameplay is essentially Japanese-styled score attack gameplay – which is fine for those who enjoy it, and are prepared to learn the nuances of the system, but it’s just button-spammy bullshit to me. I guess I should be grateful that it allows scrubs like myself to essentially spam the attack buttons and get through the encounters, but it sadly doesn’t really feel like there’s much more to it. Not for me, at any rate. The whole thing is made more spastic as – in a word – the camera is awful. No camera-target lock, enemies running around like headless chickens while you do the same, it’s really not well done at all. While writing this review I noted that Platinum Games also made Vanquish, which played somewhat similarly, received similarly positive reviews, and similarly, I also disliked due to mindlessly spammy gameplay.

Combat *looks* like *much* more fun than it is to actually play.

As I played through I unlocked various things like VR mode levels and such, but sadly I was simply not having enough fun with the base game to have any kind of willingness to go through it again on either a higher difficulty or wade through VR missions either. I guess it’s at least partly something that comes with age – when I was young I did play through some of the VR missions in MGS. Now I’m older and have way too many games – I don’t have time to waste doing extras in games I don’t enjoy. In fact, I wonder why I make myself play things like this that I’m clearly not enjoying. Am I really going to be willing to put 8 or 10 hours into this thing for the sake of nothing but sheer bloody-mindedness?

Blue locked boxes apparently need to be attacked in blade mode to open them. Which isn’t explained or even implied anywhere. How did I find out? Googled it after awhile and found a bunch of dickheads on GameFAQs talking down to others about it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Anyhow, while the combat can occasionally be mindless, spammy fun, the way the game keeps interrupting the gameplay for long, boring, overwrought and terribly-written cutscenes sapped my interest. Finally, I got to the boss fight at the end of section 3 – so just short of halfway through the game (it starts with Section 0 and ends with Section 7). The boss in this case is called Monsoon, and unlike the previous ones, comes entirely from the “cheap bosses” store, being entirely out of whack with the difficulty of all of the mobs that you fight beforehand and – even more fun – featuring long sections where he cannot be hit or damaged at all, while naturally continuing to whale on the player. After a couple of goes, getting bored and eventually killed each time (on easy) I decided that to be blunt – I don’t have time for this shit, and so I ejected the disc and uninstalled. From what I read, this fight ends with a QTE, and I think that tops it all off perfectly.

Not the boss that I gave up on.


Basically, if you’re into this genre of score-attack game, you like Platinum games’ “style” and are willing and able to put the time in to learn the intricacies of it’s combat – then the gameplay might be quite good. If you like Kojima’s writing, then the story might appeal.

As someone not invested in Kojima’s writing or stories, I found the plot and characters awful and painful pretty much from the beginning. Made even worse with constant interruptions and non-skippable non-interactive cutscenes. The backlash against Sony’s The Order 1886 based on similar issues makes me wonder how well this game would have been received if it were released now – and 2013 wasn’t that long ago. Kojima seems to have an inordinate amount of goodwill for his awfully written stories, though – even moreso with Konami’s recent shenanigans. To me, this game is an excellent example of style over substance. If I want mindless spammy fun with a collection of choppy blades and without an awfully written, intrusive story, I can play Dynasty/Samurai Warriors instead.

If you particularly like and enjoy this game, genre, Kojima or Platinum, that’s fine. I guess the problem comes when someone with little experience with those things only manages to read reviews written by fans and fan-reviewers (and I’m counting IGN and Eurogamer here as well – seriously, listen to this guy gush about it) and gets the feeling that the game would be worthwhile for them as well when it’s a lot less cut and dried than that.

For me, this game was ultimately awful. As I really enjoy action games and melee-centric games, I was hoping for something I’d really enjoy based on the reviews. As it is, I’m not even interested enough to YouTube the ending cutscenes. Unless you’re already invested in this genre, Platinum Games’ style and/or Metal Gear, my recommendation is:


Review: Singularity – Raven Software – XBox 360 (2010)

Last week when I played through Fracture, it was with an eye to playing through a game quickly, and specifically a FPS that would be short enough for me to plough through in a day. As it happened, it was a 3PS instead, and, well, not very good. Right down to one of those disproportionately difficult end-boss fights that really reduce the fun factor of whatever game they’re tacked onto.

Singularity was a second attempt at same. Though this one got more positive reviews, and the devs in this case are Raven Software – developers of quite a number of games I’ve enjoyed through the years on a number of platforms: Soldier of Fortune II, Star Trek Voyager Elite Force, Jedi Knight II and Jedi Academy, X-Men Legends 1 and 2, Marvel: UA, Wolverine, 2009’s take on Wolfenstein… and these days they’re part of Activision’s Call of Duty sweatshop. Still, it’s a solid pedigree of games I’ve personally enjoyed, and a dev house that I respect. getting through it was supposed to (hopefully) take 1-2 days but took a week to play through, a bit each day.

The intro-premise of this game actually seems pretty reasonable and well thought out for a videogame, and would probably work for a work of literary work of fiction. There’s some cold war, Soviet research gone wrong, a bit of time manipulation and of course divergent timelines that go with that sort of thing. I won’t go into detail here, but I found the plot here actually quite decent for a videogame.

One of the horror-themed mobs in the game

Details is where Raven do well throughout the game – though I’m a little dubious on the USAF markings on a crashed US Black Ops chopper, and you’d think that the Soviet Union seems to not have collapsed – but the banners located throughout the island you play through are just leftover from the 1950’s when it was abandoned. I guess they must be made of some fucking durable cloth as the game is set “now” and they’re in locations as diverse and weather-friendly as  docks at the edge of the sea, burnt out buildings, abandoned refineries… They’re not even sun bleached! Speaking of that, there are even mummified corpses on the sea’s edge? I just can’t see that happening.

The early game is concerned with setting the atmosphere, setting the scene. It does a really good job for the most part – The game does well in leveraging the atmosphere for a nice little horror vibe. Because linear FPS videogame reasons, your highly trained spec-ops black-ops character isn’t very good at climbing walls or debris that even I can traverse without a hassle. It also uses the trope/memory-saving method of arbitrarily locking doors off behind you and one-way jumps in order to load the next bit of game and drop the last section out of memory. At one point when you’re inside an abandoned schoolhouse, discarded milk cartons are scattered around the cafeteria. I thought молоко was the Russian for “Milk”, but nope, these cartons have MILK all written on them. Still, the game gives off a pretty cool hybrid of a Fallout/FEAR vibe in these early film reels.

Judging by the number of projectors stuck in a loop, the still-working microphones with pre-recorded messages and the reel-to-reel tape recordings – all of which work, those Soviets really had some durable technology to go with their mysterious source of unlimited power. The movies from the projectors early on are also amusing, with Cyrillic-style Roman characters so we can read them, and many references to “Mother Russia” despite the Soviet iconography all over the place. Whole we know that the Soviet Union was very Russo-centric, it still seems odd to hear the Union referred to as “Mother Russia” in an “official” propaganda film. But yeah. It’s more than a little odd that the lights and power are still on in a partially burnt-out, abandoned for 60+ years building. Those are some damned reliable incandescent light bulbs!

There are lots of E99 devices like this throughout

Niggling silliness aside, Ravensoft have done a nice job with the Soviet propagandist atmosphere, though – and interactive elements like notes stand out well enough against the background without seeming out of place. The many posters scattered around make me wish I could read Russian. I’m assuming that the accented Russian dialogue from the recordings is simply representative of our protagonist being fluent in Russian – but not too hot at reading it, apparently! – at least until later on(?) On the other hand, quite a bit of signage as you move through the game is written in Russian with a useful English subtitle underneath. Just like signs in American and British Military/Research bases helpfully have subtitles in Russian on their signs – gotta stay helpful to any enemy infiltrators, after all! I was impressed to see an older-style “hole in the ground” European toilet at one point. The game does details very well

In the hall early on dominated by the cool-looking bust of Uncle Joe, there’s also a nice diorama of the island, featuring button-press explanations of the various facilities on the island. I wondered if these would correspond to the game’s levels? No prizes there!

I have to give credit, though – the first part of the game you’re unarmed, and it’s all about exploration and still managed to do a good enough job that I enjoyed myself. Even at the point where I’d only shot 4 mobs, the game was fun. The game really has much more of a horror-shooter feel to it than I was expecting. It’s much closer in tone to FEAR than to Call of Duty. Even the first kind of mobs that you might have a weird, loping gait that makes lining up headshots quite tricky (with a controller, anyway) which just raises the tension when one is coming at you while armed with the starter pistol.

A videogame Russian. You know what this means. Why do we never shoot faceless American soldiers outside of Spec Ops: The Line?

The game took a foreboding turn towards dudebro, though. Firstly, when you get the Sci-Fi-Soviet Assault rifle, the mutant mobs instantly become much less scary, and then you run into your old bud, Devlan (last name Mud?) Shortly afterwards, you have a semi-auto shotgun, and the game become much more of a generic dudebro shooter. Devlan even tells you to “stay frosty”. Just like guys in the real military always do! The game’s flirtation with Call of Honor thankfully ended pretty quickly, though – and the game was allowed to find its own identity.

Gameplay wise, I’m not terribly fond of upgrades being tied to pickups that will often be hidden around levels. It means that in order to level up “properly” and not be horribly disadvantaged in the later game, a player is often tied to using walkthroughs and such to make sure they get them all. This is the main reason that my playthroughs of both Shadow Warrior Redux and Advanced Warfare both fizzled out. I just want to be able to play the fucking game without needing to be on the constant lookout for meeples. After the first “freebie” meeple, the game hides several hundred more units (points?) worth in the next 20 meters of the location, in luggage and dumpsters and so forth. It also means that in a modern “update” of that horrid adventure game trope/feature of moving the mouse over every damned pixel onscreen in the hope of picking the right one, the player here needs to run up to every bag or bit of abandoned luggage, box, dumpster and container in the game in the hope of more upgrade points. /sigh. I did a pretty good job of it overall, but realised that I’d forgotten to keep looking in anything that looked like a dumpster after awhile, and I know I definitely missed out on a whole lot of drops/upgrades as a result.

The game goes for a horror-shooter vibe, with some success.

Did I mention that following newer shooters example, you can only hold two weapons (including pistol) but like old-school shooters you don’t have auto-regenerating health, and instead need to use health packs? That’s right! The worst of both worlds! After awhile, you pretty much know your weapons – Assault Rifle, Shotgun, Sniper Rifle. There’s a cool homing-sniper rifle that turns up every so often and is one of the most fun (though overpowered) weapons in the game, though it doesn’t become part of your normal arsenal. You can upgrade weapons, though the opportunities to do so are rarer than I’d like. Later on you end up with a railgun and an autocannon. Hope you didn’t waste upgrade points on the pistol or assault rifle! Oh, you did? Well, you’re never going to use most of those again. I have to say that the weapons are fine, but the execution of allowing the player to actually access, upgrade and use them is a real miss.

Likewise, you get given a Techno-magical glove – the TMD (Time Manipulation Device) after the first chapter, which gets upgraded at various points – which I just referred to as my Nintendo Power Glove. The game’s various gimmicks/USPs all revolve around the Power Glove’s ability to manipulate objects in time – such as aging or un-aging stairs, barrels, containers, and even your enemies! The game came out a year before Red Faction: Armageddon, as well – though the repair-destroy gimmick had already been well established for years in Red Faction. The Power Glove also allows you to equip other augments that you can buy from the occasional vending machines – quite a few augments in fact. Sadly though, in my careful playthrough I’m now just shy of halfway through the game and still only have the one slot – so there’s little point in having any but the one that gives you more “money” (E99) from pickups. It wasn’t until much, much later when I realised that the game only limits you to one slot from the first category of the glove upgrades. Of course the game neglects to tell you any of that, so I ran through literally 90% of the game without using any of the second or third category of upgrades, which you can have multiples of. Nice work, Ravens.

The funny thing, as the game goes on is that I found the actual shooting is pretty mediocre – yet the game itself was somehow fun and entertaining enough to keep me interested. Not enough to play it for long stretches, but it’s a rare game that I can keep powering through (not sure how I did it last week for Fracture. I guess it was pretty short.) Despite the silliness, I found myself examining every note and listening to every audio log – things that usually bore me senseless in these games. It wasn’t until I got to the last couple of acts when they started to really wear thin and get tiresome.

Pew! Pew! Pew!

While there aren’t a huge variety of enemies in the game, the atmosphere is pretty well done, and to be fair, you never really know what kind of mob is around the next corner. The h̶e̶a̶d̶c̶r̶a̶b̶s̶ ticks are really fucking annoying. Just thought I’d throw that in there. The kind of mob that makes you sigh because you know the next bit of game isn’t going to be fun. Proper HL2 headcrabs were much more fun. In a nice touch, once you finish the game it allows you to “continue” and by doing so you have a chance to see all three endings, with only the unskippable dialogue from the final encounter making it a little tedious.

Overall, I’m glad that I played through Singularity. It’s a decent game and in it you can really see that with a bit more work, and better shooting mechanics it could have been something really special. Perhaps if they were allowed to skip the tacked-on, pointless multiplayer it would have been that much better as a single player game.

Verdict: Actually a decent game. If you see it cheap and have time, feel free to give it a runthrough.

Review: Fracture – Day 1 Studios – XBox 360 (2008)

On my Christmas breaks for the last few years, I’ve tended to play a few “fast games” in the interest of a slight cull to my pile of (videogame) shame. Sadly, these games are often not that great, though I do start out hopeful that they might be at least decent. Since I just haven’t been feeling a desire to paint much yet, I’ve started the gaming reviews!

This year, I’m starting out with Fracture, (stylised as Frac\ture on the cover art). The premise of which is that global warming physically divided the east and west coasts of the USA, who then had a bit of a tiff over differing views of genetic modification of humans. The gimmick here, though, is terrain deformation. And killing Californians, apparently. Sorry, “Pacificans”. Who are “no longer fully human”, and more importantly – rebels to the Federal Government, backed by “Asia”. Meanwhile the US Government forces that you play as part of are backed by “Europe”. Uh-huh. Because Asia is east and Europe is west, I guess… This is all told in faux “news reports” from the US Government/East side’s perspective with a really heavy propagandist slant that makes even Fox News sound Fair and Balanced. So maybe all is not as it seems? Not that we get to see or experience any of that

The tutorial is a tiny bit trippy, with flashbacks of Bullfrog’s Populous, and really a bit of a new way of thinking about navigating terrain in a shooter. Until I fired up the game, I had thought that it was a FPS, but it’s instead a 3rd person shooter. Probably worth mentioning that.

Visual design of the main character’s armour is quite reminiscent of Halo and looks decent enough. I like the little thing they’ve done regarding the HUD being a hologram projected outside the suit, but his lack of helmet is more telling than the average Warhammer 40k Space Marine Hero’s lack of same. Your character is the same generic white guy that seemingly all of these games use. I think his name is BaldyStubble McSpacemarine, and as Outside XBox said about him when he appeared in Sniper Elite 3, (because it’s the same bloody character over and over) he “may as well be an animated bag of gravel.” Ha! Better yet, it turns out his name is Brody. No confirmation on whether his first name is Dude.

Dude Brody. Not terrible design, but so, so generic.

The game also comes with a generic black guy who is your immediate superior officer (and shares your haircut!) He’s supposed to be a colonel or general or some such, and he’s clearly supposed to fit into that Sergeant Apone/Black superior officer trope, but without the scenery-chewing or entertainment value of Al Matthews. Instead we get completely forgettable. Much like out protagonist himself.

Visually, the game isn’t bad for something from 2008 (I think?), but it doesn’t hold up in 2015 either. Graphics are a bit too dark which feels like grainy, with too much use of black and (dare I say it?) not enough use of browns, which would make the game less hideously dark. I know, brown games. But there’s colour theory around avoiding or minimising the use of black, and I think that would have been a good move here, since there’s just too much here. Basically, the game looks and feels like a failed “Gears of Halo” kinda game.

The AI is pretty bog standard, with an extra special helping of bog. (A mook just blew himself up with a grenade as I’m playing through this right now). Aaaaaaand another one, 30 seconds later.

Most importantly, though – the shooting is bad. Aiming is poor, you can only hold 2 weapons at a time, and the grenades are pretty useless since the main two that you have for the course of the game don’t explode bad guys, and instead deform terrain – just like your unlimited-charge deform-gun. You get some AI squadmates at certain points, but they’re about as useful as your mooks in an episode of Dynasty Warriors – that is to say that they stand around near the enemy comparing notes with them. Well, they get in the way, so perhaps they’re worse than the useless ones in DW. But yeah, the shooting and aiming in this title is shitful.

How shitful, you ask? Well, let’s put it this way: After less than an hour of gameplay, I found that the “best”/most efficient/least unfun way to kill the endless hordes of generic faceless enemies in this third person shooting game was to melee them to death. Not because the melee is awesome or anything, either. It’s basically an incredibly pissweak little punch. However, given how bad the shooting is, I’m finding that charging in, whacking the mooks a bunch of times, and then hiding behind cover before repeating is the “best” way to get through the combat quickly and easily. That ain’t a real good outcome for a game which is supposed to be a shooter.

Yes. I would have preferred if this game was even Browner.

I was kinda hoping for a game I could play in a day or two and get some satisfying shooting out of, even if the game was short and as bit subpar. I certainly haven’t gotten that….

Cut to a few hours later, and I’ve stumbled onto the final boss fight. I fight him for a good while, before pausing the game to see WTF is up – is he healing, or am I chipping away at him? This is especially relevant, since I don’t have many grenades and only have a shitty gun. I find a walkthrough that recommends that you have a powerful weapon, so that you can kick the shit out of him straight off the bat, since he regenerates every so often, and you’ll also want to be able to destroy the spires that allow him to regenerate. Oh. Good. /eyeroll

So anyway. Game is uninstalled, the disc is back in its case, and the game will probably be an (unpleasant) gift for some poor unsuspecting person in the future. Basically, Fracture isn’t worth the time it’d take to try and grind through that last, bullshit, out of proportion to the rest of the game boss fight. (Reminds me of last year and Heavenly Sword – why do devs pull that kind of shit?) In this instance, I was playing on Easy so I wasn’t in any danger of dying from the final boss – more of developing RSI in my wrist. (I started on normal, then restarted on easy during the first mission when I found the game controlled like shit.)

So anyway. I’ll probably YouTube the ending to see what happened, just for completeness’ sake. The fact that I haven’t actually done it yet is telling with regard to how much/little I actually care about the story. Because it’s a shitty, generic, forgettable story. In a shitty, generic, forgettable game.

Verdict: Avoid.

How Generic? How Forgettable? THIS much.